I guess you can say that I’m in negotiations with my earthly body.

No. I’m not talking about death, although the reality is that we all have to death at some point.

But first, a great number of us may face ill health along the way. And I guess you can say that’s where this chapter of my story begins.

If you read through my earlier posts, it’s my hope that you’ll picture a man in love with life and adventure. Someone who lives each day as if it was his last seeming to ignore reality while embracing the underlying belief that he’ll never die.

Well that’s who I was. I was a vegan, marathon runner, long distance cyclist, and extreme trail runner. And at 60 years old, I would have argued with anyone that I was in better health than I was at 30. In fact, what’s more I could prove it on paper using data from medical tests and analysis.

And to help reinforce my feeling of “immortality”, I had survived two near death accidents. The first in 1972 when I was hit head on by a drunk driver on my way home from work, spending 3 month in traction and missing a year of work. The second was a nasty crash while cycling with a group. I went down really hard, suffering a brain hemorrhage, shattered collar bone and a few other less serious injuries like a broken finger and a badly bruised hip.

Now, having been diagnosed with MS, I’ve begun the task of negotiating my return to health.

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Most or maybe all of us dream. It’s been said that those who say they don’t dream really do, but don’t remember their dreams. I’m not sure how one would prove or disprove that but I know that I dream most every night and appreciate many of them that I have.

I’m not one to analyze my dreams and although it may be possible that they all have a specific meaning, I tend to look at them as adventures. Many of which I’ll never be able to experience in real life. As an example, I was trapped in a cave in one of my recent dreams. While that may sound more like a nightmare, I was able to find my way out befor my dream ended to find my wife and sons waiting patiently for me outside. My wife said they all knew I would make it out and weren’t worried at all. Although I can’t be sure how they’d all react if happened in real life, I can’t begin to tell you how good it made me feel when I woke up.

I frequently have dreams where I’m running. Sometimes in a local race or marathon, but most of the time I’m just running for fun. These dreams are especially wonderful because running has been a great passion of mine for more than 20 years. But my days of running in real life ended in early July of 2017 when I lost my sense of balance leading to me being diagnosed with Multilple Sclerosis. Now and then, I have a dream where I discover that I can run again and you can imagine how happy that makes me.

If you are now, or have been a philosophy student, it’s my guess that you have a “favorite” philosopher. Mine is Heraclitus of Ephesus.

Heraclitus is best known for his assertion that “Life is Flux” (Panta Rehi in Greek) meaning that everything or all things change. The more commonly heard expression is: “The Only thing Constant in Life is Change”. It would follow then, things that remain constant are uncommon or perhaps even rare.

Because so many of the changes I’ve seen in my life are outside of my control, I’ve learned to direct my focus to the things that remain constant. To relish the ones that are good while doing what I can to effect change on those that I feel are in need of change.

If it’s not within my power to change them, It’s up to me to manage my emotions as I learn to accept them as they are.

Despite the fact that I seem to thrive on extreme trail races and become exhilarated at times by deciding to move forward when there seems to be a great risk, I don’t like the feeling of “being afraid”.
Maybe my actions are caused by a deeply hidden belief that constant risk may the only way to dumb down the emotions that result from being afraid. It’s probably just conditioned response. I’m learning that what usually causes fear doesn’t generally hurt me and makes me feel so much more alive that I’m talking about it for days.

And what if it does hurt me? It’s unlikely I’ll die and I know I’ll find a way to recover. I’ll overcome it. Like pulling off a band aid, I know it will hurt, but I can only know how much after pulling it off.

Fear is necessary. Fear is part of our being. It’s considered to be needed for our survival as a species and I have no doubt that to be true: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-preservation

What bothers me is that fear is so often used to manipulate us. And fear can be transformed in to dislike or even hatred. It’s natural to hate what we fear or don’t understand.

The problem is, it’s not always possible to know when our fear is being used against us.

As an example, ask yourself these questions:

Would you be afraid to go travel to a foreign country where no one speaks your language.

Should you be?

If I had the money, time and resources, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Why? Because, it’s very possible that it would be no more dangerous than visiting Los Angeles, Chicago or Miami, (and I Love Chicago), but then again- if we never make the trip, how will we ever know?

~ Cheers!

Imagine. You wake up slowly one morning. No alarm. Just lay there a bit. There’s nothing in your calendar. You haven’t agreed to meet with anyone or go anywhere today. You lay there a little while longer just daydreaming about “whatever”. You get up, brush your teeth, shower and dress. Now- What you you do?

Doesn’t the idea seem inviting? I’m excited just thinking about it. In fact, I’m going to leave one day each quarter open to be one of these days. I hope I can pull it off. If that works out, I may add a second or third. If you can’t find me one day, maybe that’s why.

~Cheers!

I don’t really remember much of it.

Why do some days seem like a blur when they’re over? If I try, I’m sure that I can at least a few things out of my day.

I remember:

My first cup of morning coffee.

Good morning greetings and well wishes for a great day from my friends on Twitter.

Lunch with a good friend.

A quick chat with my son as I drove home.

Being greeted at the door by my wife and a happy canine friend.

A nice dinner followed by an evening cup of tea. 

That’s pretty much all that happened today….It might have been a blur, but nevertheless, it sure left behind some seemingly small but unforgettably special memories .

~Cheers

I like to run in the morning. It’s better on the weekends when I have the time to drive to my favorite lake. Even on the coldest and snowiest of mornings, there are always other runners there. Seeing them there helps me feel a little less crazy. 

I ran there yesterday. It was warm and it felt much like an early Spring morning. There were a lot more runners than I’d seen there in recent weeks. My guess is that some were new runners trying to live up to their recently made New Year’s Resolutions. Others might be in the early stages of training for a Spring Mini or Full Marathon.

I was just there because I love to run.

As I finished the first of two loops and ran back up the hill to the parking lot, I ran past a somewhat elderly Asian gentleman with a small dog. He smiled and waved, calling out some greeting that I couldn’t make out. I returned the wave and said good morning as I ran by. His smile seemed to widen. It’s odd, but I swear it only takes a brief moment and a simple exchange for most of us, to know that we just crossed paths with a genuinely likable soul.

As usual, I felt even better on the second loop. So much better in fact, that I pushed really hard up that final hill up to the parking lot. As I got there, I once again saw my new friend. Being out of breath and inspired by his smile, I decided to stop to say hello. He immediately started walking my way, removing his glove to shake my hand and introduce himself. His name is Stanley. “Stanley, like the comic book” he said. I had never heard of the comic book, but I’ve since Googled it of course, and here’s an image from one of the books.

He proudly explained that he has been visiting the lake at least one day a weekend for over ten years. He used to run, now he walks. He once circled the lake as I do, but has gotten away from that to avoid the hill. It’s just too much for him these days. He began telling stories of bad winter days that kept most people away from the lake, but how others seemed to be drawn out by the weather.

He recalled two doctors that he had met a couple of years ago. They made the  decision to cross the frozen lake against the advice of signs that were posted saying the ice was too thin to ice skate. “They proceeded very cautiously, I’m sure that they were really afraid”. “They had to know better, Why would medical professionals take such a risk?”, he asked. We talked just a short while longer and then said goodbye, wishing each other a good day.

It was a good day full of sharing and spending time with my family and good friends. Once back home and sipping my evening short glass of bourbon, I thought about Stanley, and in particular his questions about the doctors, and the ice, and their seemingly reckless behavior.

Why does anyone do anything? Why do any of us get out of our warm beds and head to that lake or anywhere else when the conditions aren’t “perfect”? 

I know why I’m there. It’s my favorite place to run and my morning run seems directly related to my sanity. Stanley may be there just to meet new people and share stories. The doctors that he mentioned may have felt the need to have some risk in their lives. It may be a nice release from all of the pressure related to their profession. They alone could say for sure. 

There is a lake, a mountain, and the entire universe out there for all of us. It’s ours to explore and enjoy however we desire. There are people that we should meet and stories that need to be shared. We just have to use our intuitive nature to help us navigate through our first step and begin our journey.

Cheers!